


The Facts of Life

by BlueMinuet



Series: Trolls Know Nuthin’ ‘Bout Babies [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, Gen, Post-Sburb/Sgrub, Pregnancy, trolls don't know where babies come from
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-13
Updated: 2013-01-13
Packaged: 2017-11-25 07:03:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/636348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueMinuet/pseuds/BlueMinuet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“So… so, is there… Dammit, is there, like, an egg inside of you?”<br/>In which Jade is pregnant, and Karkat is confused.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Facts of Life

**Author's Note:**

> More stupid-cute fluff. I'm not sure if I got Karkat quite right in this, but hopefully he doesn't sound ooc or anything.

You let yourself sink down into the couch, and sigh at the relief your feet feel. You’ve been walking around way too much today, and your swollen ankles need a rest. Of course, ‘too much’ is becoming pretty relative the more time goes by. 

You’re Jade Harley and you are seven months pregnant. Dave smiles when he sees you plop down and ruffles your hair. 

“You relax, Babe. I’m gonna go make sure Egbert isn’t poisoning our food.” 

You like visiting John’s house. It’s nice to spend a quiet evening with friends, and John is actually an amazing cook. You figure he probably learned to cook regular food since all his Dad seemed to know how to make was cakes, and someone in their house had to make sure they didn’t contract diabetes. 

Still, there’s only one thing that makes you uncomfortable about being at John’s house. 

Karkat. 

It’s not that you don’t like your brother-in-law Karkat. Actually, you love that fuckass like a brother, which makes it a good thing he married your ecto-brother. 

But for the past few weeks—maybe months—things have been kind of awkward between the two of you. He seems nervous around you for some reason, and whenever you ask, he denies it. At best, he changes the subject, and the two of you manage to have a relatively normal conversation. At worst, he shuts down, and you two sit in awkward silence until Dave or John shows up. 

You hear John and Dave jokingly arguing in the kitchen when Karkat nervously slips onto the couch, sitting as far away from you as possible while still technically being on the couch. He’s careful to keep his eyes on the TV as he does so, avoiding looking at you. When you look at the TV you can see him in your peripheral vision, and when he doesn’t think you’re paying attention, his eyes turn to you, and you’re fairly sure the expression is extreme anxiety bordering on fear. And whenever you look over at him, his head turns so fast you’re surprised he doesn’t have whiplash. 

This is stupid. 

“Karkat, what’s the matter with you?” you finally say. 

“Huh?” is his only reply. 

You glare at him. “Listen, Fuckass. Every time I come over here, you do this. You sit here and act like you’re scared to death of me.”

“What? I’m not scared.” His voice wavers slightly, but you think you caught a bit of indignation there. 

“You look like Bec after I hit him with a rolled up newspaper,” you tell him. “Look, if I’ve done something to make you angry with me, just tell me. I want to fix it.” 

“You… you didn’t do anything wrong,” he says. You’re pretty sure he’s starting to blush.

“Then what?”

Karkat moves his mouth, but nothing really comes out. 

“Come on. Speak up, Fuckass.”

He sighs. “I want to ask you a question, but I’m sure it’s really dumb.”

“Oh.” You really weren’t expecting it to be that simple. “Well, go ahead. John and Dave don’t seem to be paying attention. I won’t laugh or anything.”

You turn towards him so that your legs can rest curled up between the two of you on the couch, and Karkat doesn’t recoil away this time. Actually, he turns his body towards you as well. 

He moves his mouth, trying to figure out the words he’s trying to say. A few completely incomprehensible hand gestures are thrown in for good measure. 

Finally, he speaks. “So… so, is there… Dammit, is there, like, an egg inside of you?”

You can’t help it; you laugh. Hard. You try to stop, and that only makes it worse. 

“Yeah, that’s what I figured,” he mutters. 

You manage to regain composure. “Sorry. I guess it would be kind of weird for a troll.”

Karkat blushes deeper. “So, yeah…”

“It’s not an egg,” you explain. “There’s no shell or anything like that. It’s just the baby. You know, the wriggler.” 

“I know what a baby is, Fuckass,” he growls. “But… so… is it just… floating there? In…inside you?”

You nod. “There’s a special organ that humans have. Well, just human women. It’s called the uterus. That’s where the baby stays. So, it’s not like it’s getting tangled in my intestines or anything.” 

“Oh,” he says, nodding. “So, you have a… baby sack?” 

You giggle. “I guess you could call it that.” 

He’s looking at your belly, seemingly deep in thought. It’s like it’s a great mystery to him. 

“So, umm… the wri—I mean, baby… it… it moves in there, doesn’t it?” he asks. 

You nod. 

“Isn’t that… creepy?” 

You furrow your eyebrows at him. “What?”

“Well, I…” He chews his lip. “I saw it move one time. It was like you skin was crawling, and… That’s… that’s when I started getting… creeped out.” 

You smile. “Is that why you’ve been so nervous around me? You thought my belly was creepy?”

He nods, his face nearly scarlet now. “Sorry. It just… freaked me out.” 

“It’s not scary; I promise,” you tell him. “You can touch it, if you want.” 

“What?” He jumps a little, and you’re sure there’s fear on his face now. 

“It won’t bite,” you assure him. 

You think he wants to say that he knows that, but there’s a bit of relief on his face that tells you he might have been worried about that possibility. 

“It won’t… smell me and perceive me as a threat?”

You almost choke on the absurdity of that statement. 

“No, babies don’t do that. Besides, there’s not much it can do from inside me.” 

He still seems hesitant. 

You lift up your shirt just enough to expose your baby bump.

“Go ahead. It’s fine.”

He begins to reach out, but then pulls back just as quickly. 

“It… it won’t hurt you, will it?”

“No,” you sigh. You grab his hand and decide to be brave for him. He tenses slightly, but lets you guide his hand onto your stomach. 

“The baby has been kicking me around here,” you say, positioning his hands in the right spot. “If you’re lucky, it’ll do it again so you can feel.” 

You think he might be sweating. “Kick? Won’t that hurt you?” 

“It’s not quite that strong,” you say. 

“I don’t feel anything,” Karkat whispers. 

“Never happens when you want it to,” you say, shaking your head. “Sometimes, it kicks when it hears new voices. Maybe if you talk a bit more.”

“What? Like, talk to your stomach?”

You shrug. “Yeah.” 

“That’s stupid,” he says. 

“It is not,” you scoff. 

He growls, and raises his voice. “It is stupid, and—“

He’s cut off by a kick, right where his hand is sitting. His expression goes blank, as if he can’t figure out how to feel. He whispers something in Alternian, and you think it might translate roughly to ‘wow’ from the way his eyes get wide. 

“It’s… it’s a lot stronger than I thought,” he says. 

You nod proudly. “Remember, it doesn’t have tiny little nubby limbs like grubs. It has two arms and two legs to kick and punch with.” 

“So, it’s like a tiny little person?” he asks. “It doesn’t even have any vestigial legs to shed?” 

You shake your head. “No extra legs. At least, I hope not.” 

He moves his hand around a bit, and you giggle at his fascination. 

“I can feel it moving around. It’s… it’s so weird. Wow. Does it feel weird to you when it moves?”

You nod. “Yeah, but I’m getting used to it. It makes me feel close to the baby when I feel it move.” 

“Well, duh. You can’t get much closer than this.”

You see his face cloud with confusion again. He tilts his head to either side, as if looking for something on your stomach. 

“Hey… Jade. When it’s done, how does it get out?” 

You can’t hold back the giggle-snort that question causes. “Karkat… I think you might not want to know.”

He gets really confused, and looks like he wants to argue when you’re interrupted. 

“Hey, Karkat. Are you feeling up my wife?”

Karkat jumps back, breaking contact with you when he hears Dave’s voice. You turn to see John and Dave standing behind the couch. It looks like they’ve been watching for a while. 

“No,” Karkat shouts.

“Aww, Karkat,” John coos. “That looked so adorable.”

“I’m not adorable,” Karkat argues, though it’s half-hearted at best. 

John leans over and kisses the troll's head, right between the horns. Karkat blushes yet again, this time all the way to his hairline. 

“Are you jealous of me and Jade’s baby makin’ skills?” Dave teases.

Karkat grumbles. “Fuck you, Strider.”

“Come on. Dinner’s ready,” John says with a laugh, grabbing some plates to bring to the table.

You struggle to get up, and Karkat grabs your hands to help you off the couch. As he does, he pulls you closer to him, so that you can hear him whisper. 

You notice he’s looking at John, and if you didn’t know Karkat better, you’d say he was pouting. 

“So… um… only human females have the baby sack?”


End file.
